Where Did You Sleep Last Night?
by Indigo X
Summary: It's falling apart. He knows it's falling apart. And it's getting past the point where he can deny it. RavenBeulah, kinda. PG-13 for mention of naughty thangs.


Author Notes: Another Buehler's Inspiration Special... why am I always inspired to write angst while bagging groceries? *shrug* Anyway, yeah, Raven story, ECW timeline, the heavenly tragic Raven belongs to the just plain heavenly Scott Levy, and the song 'Where Did You Sleep Last Night?' is by R-Chan's favorite band, Nirvana.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She came in the door about 1:30 a.m., after having not been around all weekend. He was sitting cross-legged in the recliner, back to the door, a bottle of Jack dangling half-full from his fingertips, staring into space. He heard the sound of the door opening and shutting, the sounds of her footsteps walking in, but didn't move. 

Her lips pressed against his cheek, fingers lightly brushing back several spiraling auburn tendrils. The contact was expected, ritualistic. All he really did expect. She never kissed him on the lips anymore, not really. When she did, he knew it was just to shut him up, and it was cold as ice even if her lips were sparking hot as they always were. 

"Hi." Her voice was casual.

"Hi." His voice was like wind in the reeds of a marsh. "Where've you been?"

Where've You Been. It was a question, simple enough, but he knew what it portended. He didn't want to believe it, but the fact he had just asked that question was veering straight toward the information he Really Didn't Want To Know. He knew already, really, but he was trying with all his heart and soul to deny it. He loved her, after all, more than he could ever say, and he didn't want to believe that Beulah was...  
  
"Just out. Y'know, girl stuff. That's all." She walked into the bedroom and shut the door behind her before he could question her further. Evasive tactics. He did not hear the lock click, but knew that she did not want him to follow. To do so would be to start a fight, the kind that started with tight lips and ended in screaming matches. He didn't want that. Not tonight.

He took a drink from the bottle, then sighed and set it down. His head hurt. Besides, the drink wasn't helping, and he just wasn't in the mood for anything stronger. He was numb enough already. 

He looked longingly at the closed door, and sighed deeply. It'd been forever since they'd really made love, as well... once upon a time, the heat of their passion melted them until they were one and the same, a Beulahandraven, a Ravenandbeulah, whispering huskily its own secrets into its own ears, pressing palms against steamed windows, blind, lost in a white-out of exhilaration, their hearts thumping rat-at-at-at-at as one, like the heart of a wild racing horse, leaving them tangled in sweat and panting breath, yet being able to gasp, I love you, I love you, you're mine. Now, it was more of a 'd'ya wanna...' and a reply of 'what the hell, why not', and just involved her lying beneath him, neither helping nor hindering, a pacifying offer of flesh. No tangling, no bonding, no I love you.

He'd rather have nothing. He reached down with a light sigh and picked up the guitar. It was a gift from a fan, one of the nicest such things he'd ever recieved. It was an acoustic, deep, deep violet, with the black shilouette of a raven in flight. He strummed it softly, the guitar weeping. He sang, voice soft, a rich thing like velvet, but sad like rain on a wedding day.

"...my girl, my girl, don't lie to me, tell me where did you sleep last night? In the pines, in the pines, where the sun don't ever shine, I would shiver the whole night through..."

He sang in a whisper, marvelling for not the first time in his life how Cobain echoed him so well. Cobain sang his pain and anger like no other ever had or would again. As if the musician had walked in his very shoes.

Kurt Cobain was dead. 

"...my girl, my girl, where will you go? I'm going where the cold wind blows. In the pines, in the pines, where the sun don't ever shine, I would shiver the whole night through..."

Thoughts of shadow and silence passed through his head for just a moment, then faded. It wasn't the first time he'd thought of his own death, and he knew it wouldn't be the last.

In the next room over, Beulah lay awake and listened, a small, sharp-toothed animal gnawing at her conscence as she heard the music from the next room.  
  
"Her husband was a hard working man, just about a mile from here... his head was found in a drivin' wheel, and his body was never found..."

He knew. She knew he did, he had to. He just didn't know who with. It would make him scream, and hiss, and bring down his wrath in all its terrifying glory- for Raven's wrath was always a breathtaking and horrible sight to behold, like a lightning storm or forest fire. It would set him on fire, and he'd burn with hellish heat, taking down all in his path, until he just burned out of existence, a cold cinder.

That was the consequences. But for some reason, she felt it worth the risk. She should feel bad about it, she knew she should... why didn't she?  
  
The voice grew in volume and power, the strumming harder.   
  
"My Girl, My Girl, Don't Lie To Me. Tell Me, Where Did You Sleep Last Night? In the Pines, in the Pines, Where the Sun Never Shines, I Would Shiver The Whole Night Through..."  
  
She should just be honest, if she didn't care! Was she afraid of his anger... or afraid of causing him pain? Lord knows he had more than his share of both... Damn, she wished he'd stop playing, his words are cutting into her, amplifying the gnawing... guilt? Was it guilt?

Why should she feel guilty? She was just... people did this every day...

"My Girl, My Girl! Where Will you Go? I'm Going Where the Cold Wind Blows! In the Pines, in the Pines! Where the Sun Never Shines! I would SHIVER the Whole Night Through..."

More power. More emotion. His voice could be heard clearly by those below and above, but there were no angry thumps on the roof or ceiling, no calls to be quiet. All who heard him held their breath, the sound made them ache as he was aching...  
  
Beulah's heart thumped in her chest, like it would burst right out... stop, stop... your hurting, it's hurting me... 

__

"My GIRL! My GIRL! Don't lie to me! Tell me, WHERE did you sleep last night? In the PINES! In the PINES! Where the SUN, never SHINES! I would SHIVER the WHOLE night through..."

Tears were streaming from his midnight-colored eyes. He didn't notice them. His eyes had cried so many times he was all but numb to it by now. His insides were shaking... He barely noticed his strumming, his own voice, as his mind was fixated on her... Cheater, cheater, I loved you, you whore, I loved you, I _love_ you, how could you, how could you do this to me, why, whywhy, whywhywhyWHY_WHY_...

Drip-a-drip, went liquid on varnished wood. Crecendo. Guitar notes reaching to the heavens. Voice bursting, splitting his throat.

__

"MY GIRL! MY GIRL! WHERE WILL YOU GO? I'M GOING WHERE THE COLD WIND BLOWS! IN THE PINES, IN THE PINES, WHERE THE SUN NEVER SHINES! I WOULD SHIVER..."

it was all he had

"...the whole... night through..."

She lept to her feet. She couldn't stand it any more, Flying to the door, she flung it open.  
  
"STOP I..."

The room was quiet. He lay back in the recliner, motionless, only movement his ragged breathing. Eyes shut.

Eyes ran tears.

Fingers ran blood. 

The guitar bore stains of both.

"I'm sorry." She stood before him, lips pressed thinly together, shaking. Angry that he could conduct emotion to such a feverpitch. Or did he even do it? No, it had to be him. No way she'd be guilty over cheating on a man she didn't...

"I don't love you anymore. That's the way it is."

Sighing, she turned and went back into her room, telling herself that next time she'd definitely tell him that when he was awake.

Raven writhed as if stabbed with a knife as the door shut. Sometimes... he hated being right.


End file.
